Major lifestyle transitions are more likely to be realized when we implement small, focused modifications rather than trying to maintain a dramatic behavior overhaul.
When it comes to self-improvement, we often set ourselves up for failure before we even get started. Our intentions are good, but our execution is faulty. Here are some common self-sabotaging mistakes and how to avoid them.
1. Setting too many goals.
This is a popular mistake that is frequently done on New Year's Eve when we are prompted to list our goals for the upcoming year. It is not unrealistic to accomplish many different things over the course of a year. Trying to implement new habits for multiple resolutions, all at the same time, can easily become overwhelming. When we can't keep up with all of the changes, we quickly become discouraged and give up.
The Solution: Focus on one goal at a time. This can mean a few different things, depending on what you hope to accomplish.
If your goal is a one-time thing, you might hone in on that one goal until it is completed and then move on to the next goal.
Examples:
Drop off the box of donations to the second hand store.
Book a flight to Rome.
Adopt a dog from the shelter.
For an ongoing goal, it could be helpful to ensure one habit is well-established before adding any additional goal work. If you have multiple goals like this, you may need to rotate which goal you will focus on from day-to-day, week-to-week or month to month, depending on what works best for you.
Examples:
If your goal is to wash the dishes before bed every night, wait until you have a 30--day streak of completing that habit before adding something else.
If you want to learn piano, you might dedicate the hour of 7:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. to practicing each night.
If you want to learn the piano and the drums, you might dedicate Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons to piano and Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday afternoons to the drums.
If your goal is to be more kind you might dedicate January to sending a thank you card every day, February to shoveling snow for your elderly neighbors, March to baking cookies for your co-workers each week, and so on.
2. Making overambitious goals.
Sometimes we set goals that are so out of reach, we don't even know where to begin. When something seems too unattainable, it is easy to feel defeated and to stop trying.
The Solution. Break down large goals into smaller goals. Focus on incremental targets that are more easily attainable. When we can see the end in sight, we are more likely to go all the way. Keep in mind that for these larger goals, it is easy to try to implement a multitude of habits to get there. Try to focus on 1 or 2 habits per week to avoid burnout.
Examples:
Goal: Lose 100 pounds
Focus on a smaller goal of losing 10 or 20 pounds. When you get there, focus on the next 10 or 20 pounds. These smaller wins will keep you motivated while you work your way to the end goal.
Habits to focus on for Week One: keep a food journal to track food and calories and walk for at least 20 minutes every day.
Goal: Learn Spanish
Choose a specific topic to master before moving onto the next (e.g. introductions, asking for directions or ordering from a menu).
Habits to focus on for Week One: Complete one lesson per day and watch one movie or TV show in Spanish.
3. Focusing only on a distant, long-term goal.
There are some goals that just take time. Sometimes a long time. When the goal seems so far ahead in the future, it can be difficult to stay motivated or to not feel overwhelmed. It can also lead to procrastination, pushing your timeline out even more.
The Solution. Set incremental, short-term goals. When the reward is closer in sight, it is easier to stay motivated. Rewarding yourself for progress toward your main goal will help keep up the momentum. When working on a goal that can take years, keep in mind that the time will pass anyway, and in the future you will be grateful that you got started and stuck with it.
Examples:
Goal: Earn college degree
Start with the basics. Get an idea of what you want your degree to be in and make a list of schools that offer your program(s) of interest. Once you get accepted and decide where you are going, focus on semesters or classes. Some people make lists of all of the assignments and tests for their classes each semester and cross them off as they complete them, giving them many opportunities to feel like they are getting closer to the end goal.
Goal: Climb Mount Everest
First figure out all of the parts: when to go, how to train, what clothing and equipment you will need, how much it will cost, etc. After you are cleared by a physician to do so, start training. Physically and mentally. Save money for expenses and vacation time from work if you need to, and start collecting any gear you will take with you. It will likely take at least a year, but if you stick with it, you'll have an experience very few people have had. And if you focus on your progress in the various parts of the goal, you will be more likely to get there.
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